'Frozen' as a horror film

Posted Friday, May 9, 2014 at 11:29 AM Central

by John Couture

I'm pretty sure it's a proven fact that all Disney films are one scene or a different score away from being a hit horror flick. Think about it, all of our fears tend to originate in childhood and personally, I'll never be able to be in the same room as a Jolly Monkey ever again thanks to Close Encounters Of The Third Kind.

It's pretty easy at this impressionable age to make mark on a child that will last a lifetime. So please bear this in mind parents as I reveal to you the key to breaking your child's infatuation with the film Frozen. We were oblivious to this phenomenon ourselves until Easter when that miserable Easter Bunny decided to wreak havoc upon our happy household.

I mean, what's the harm? It's only a movie, right? Ha! You obviously don't have kids. Suddenly from that moment on it's been "Frozen, Frozen, Frozen." I love snow and the cold, but I find myself rooting for the heat to melt that saccarine Olaf each and every time. "My own personal flurry" my ass. Let's see how you do in Hell snowball boy.

OK, as you can see, this little film, while great at keeping the little ones in a trance while you do more adult activities, is one that will grate on your nerves rather quickly with instant, all-the-time access. But don't worry, a 17-year-old YouTuber provided us with the key to break our kids' obsession.

Bobby Burns (and really, the young chap is quite talented) has recut Frozen as horror film with a new trailer. I wouldn't be surprised if Disney lashes out to snuff this young man's artistry as one look at this trailer and your kids will never want to build a snowman ever again. But hey, snow's overrated, right?

Now that we've taken care of Frozen, let's turn our attention to the other scourge of winter, A Christmas Story. My cohort Tim did create this fake Criterion Cover a few months back. That should scare some kids.